Laura Benko is a Feng Shui Consultant and Home & Garden TV Correspondent for Live It Up! She’s almost finished her first book. www.BenkoFengShui.com

After working as a Feng Shui Consultant for over a decade and helping hundreds of clients transform their life, I have gathered some kick ass tips that can help give you an advantage, realize your goals and change your life. I hope they inspire both reflection and action within you. Here they are, my top five greatest tips:

1. POSITION YOURSELF FOR SUCCESS

Position is very important, in life the primordial advantage goes to the person in the commanding position. Whether it is a job interview, a dinner date, your bed or your home office, make sure that you are situated with your back to the wall and are facing (but not in direct alignment with) the main entrance of the room. When your back is facing the entrance, you are subconsciously more vulnerable and will not be as mentally sharp and in control of unexpected situations.

2. FENG SHUI YOUR MIND

Feng Shui your mind each morning by having a clear intention of your professional role, your personal responsibilities, your daily goals and a sense of inner strength. Meditation is a great way to ground and focus oneself, reduce stress and develop calmness. When chaos erupts around you, if your inner core is unwavering you will have a boost over others who may crumble under pressure. Try starting the day with a personal mantra that you say to yourself nine times.

Today I am calm, assured, and flowing with confidence.

I am productive, resourceful and wise in all tasks, choices and statements I make.

Today I will take a deep breath and reflect before I react.

3. USE SYMBOLISM

Your home should be a reflection of you, celebrating all that you are and all that you hope to be. Everything you choose to surround yourself with should reinforce that philosophy.

You want to be in a relationship? Get rid of all the single imagery in your home. Instead of a single chair in the corner, a single vase, photographs of single images – pair things up!

Can’t sleep at night? Get rid of the piles of work on your nightstand or any exercise equipment in your bedroom. Change out any fast moving imagery like pictures of crashing waves or sport cars.

Are you in need of clarity? Clean all your surfaces. In Feng Shui, a clean surface represents a clear mind. It is hard to have clarity when you are surrounded by clutter.

Do you feel like you are “up against a wall” in life? Check to see if you literally have that scenario in your home. If one (non-headboard side) side of your bed is up against a wall, move it to get space on all three sides. If when you enter your home, you immediately face a wall, install a mirror there to create a more expansive view.

Often our spaces mirror our challenges. Learn to recognize yours so you can make necessary adjustments to create a space that supports your goals.

Harness the greater Universal powers around you. Humankind vibrates in tandem with Nature. That means we tend to feel better and functional at optimal levels when we are in synchronicity with the Earth’s rhythms. When the seasons change, use that time to do a deep cleaning of your home, change up furniture, paint, switch out your collectibles or give away unwanted items.

Bring Nature into your home in decorative ways. A colossal shell, a massive crystal or branches in a vase are ways to appreciate and honor these gifts from the planet. Choose natural fabrics like silk, linen, hemp, jute and cotton. Avoid synthetics in your home and products that off gas like plastic and vinyl.

Get rid of any dried flowers or plastic foliage. These items are dust collectors with no vibrant energy. Instead, use fresh flowers and live plants as much as possible to enhance the energy levels in your home – and in turn, yourself.

5. FENG SHUI YOUR TIME

Feng Shui’ing your time means managing it effectively by factoring in unexpected delays, necessary brief breaks, interruptions and unexpected visitors while you are working. When you are home, it is important to actually schedule as much down time as To-Do time.

Balance occurs with firmly setting your boundaries when you cannot be disturbed and create time for both work and play. Set aside the electronics and distractions when with your family or friends. When you are in the moment, you are living your best life. And life is really just a compilation of these moments, so live them fully and live them well.

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Jodi Riley, The Happiness Mindset Expert, is creator of the 5 Steps for Better Living System the proven step-by-step program that shows you exactly how to have more joy and more happiness, right now! She is a professional coach and motivational speaker with 15 years experience in personal development. To find out more, visit her website: www.secretstobeinghappy.com

All too often I hear people expressing their desire to make a big difference in their lives or in the lives of others. The only catch is they want to experience the results of those changes NOW. People in business want to know what to do to make more money now. People who are single want to know what changes to make to find a relationship immediately.

Our society has become so accustomed to the immediate gratification of instant messaging, drive through restaurants and everything being at our fingertips 24 hours a day, that we don’t want to plant seeds and let them grow into change, we want instant results. People are interested in the small changes they can make in their lives now that will have immediate but long lasting results for them.

So in response to the queries I often get on this subject I have outlined 5 changes I have made in my own life at one time or another and found they brought me pretty immediate results.

1. Choose to focus on the good in your life. So many times we get caught up in trying “fix” what we perceive is wrong with our lives and the world that we forget to pay attention to what’s right! Focus on all of the good and wonderful things you have and more of those things will begin to flow to you. It’s like magic, it works every time!

2. Have gratitude. While you’re focusing on all of the good things in your life, don’t forget to be thankful for them. Make it a daily ritual to spend sometimes saying “thank you” for everything you already have as well those things you desire but don’t have yet. Remember to also be grateful for the challenges you experience. Like fire forges steel, challenging circumstances make us stronger and more resilient. Challenges also tend to spur us into change much quicker, so be thankful you have them in your life!

3. Follow a passion. Find a hobby, cause or activity you are passionate about and pursue it. This might lead you to Step 4 by stretching your level of comfort, but it will also get you excited and bring about change in your life quickly. Feeling joy will cause desired results to manifest much quicker than feeling sadness. So any time you can get out and pursue something you love and feel joy about it, you are creating change in the present moment.

4. Get out of your comfort zone. Sometimes when following a passion or making any kind of change, we have to get out of our comfort zone a bit. I love to challenge myself by taking an adventure to get more comfortable with the uncomfortable, but that’s not always necessary. Getting out of your comfort zone might only be talking to a new person or checking out a new bookstore, but whatever it is, get out and do it! Getting more comfortable doing new things will allow you to have experiences you might not have even imagined and will allow changes to occur in your life even quicker.

5. Help others. Sometimes the simple act of giving to another something we already have (it might be a simple as a smile) is all it takes to effectively bring about change for ourselves. If you have a skill or piece of knowledge that others around you do not seem to have, take a bit of time to teach it to them. If you have extra time or other resources, share with others around you to help enrich their lives. By helping to enhance the lives of the people around you, you will immediately enhance your own.

Make these steps new habits in your daily life and you will create a happy, content, and peaceful existence that allows you to make a difference in your own community as well as the world at large. So what are you waiting for? Get started, right NOW!

Melanie Mar is a celebrity life coach and certified communication coach who specializes in teaching behavior modification techniques and effective communication. She has worked closely with elite businessmen and celebrities, and will be featured on TV as the life coach of a Beverly Hills-based reality show star this fall 2011. Melanie lives in Los Angeles, Calif. Learn more about Melanie on Facebook.

Putting aside common concerns that pile on stress – money worries, getting the children to bed on time, balancing a career with maintaining a healthy relationship and more – it is highly likely the tension in one’s life is directly linked to another person, whether it be a tyrant boss, an irritating family member or a much-loved partner who seems intent on rubbing you the wrong way.

So how do you tell someone they have hurt your feelings, their actions are unacceptable, or you are no longer willing to tolerate their behavior without adding more fuel to the fire? Have you ever stopped for to consider how you communicate when angry, upset, hurt or trying to vent a frustration? Many people tend to lose control, raise their voice, say things they don’t mean or end up in floods of tears when communicating during stressful times. A pattern of this will most certainly be damaging to all relationships, as well as cause cortisol levels to rise and, ultimately, make you feel miserable and exhausted.

Only 15 percent of communication is verbal. The other 85 percent is comprised of non-verbal communication including facial expressions, gestures and tone of voice. This balance makes it imperative individuals and couples learn to express thoughts and feelings verbally in a logical, not emotional, way.

1. Feel, think and act

As humans, our general response to situations that cause us angst is to feel the pain, react to the situation negatively or sarcastically and later think about the situation with regret for things said in anger.

Feel – “You just said or did something that hurt me.”
Think – “How can I get back at you or hurt you in the same way?”
Act – “I really feel badly for acting hurtfully. Now I need to make amends.”

The healthier way to deal with the same situation is to feel the pain, think about it in a rational way before retaliating in anger and acting in a way that acknowledges the other person’s thoughts and feelings that led to the initial problem.

Feel – “You just said or did something that hurt me.”
Think – “OK, that didn’t feel good – why do I feel this way and how do I want to see it resolved?”
Act – “You have the right to feel and think the way you did. Let’s talk about it.”

The worst thing a person can do is to feel, think, feel, think, feel, think with no reaction or action. This is called rumination and over time can literally make you physically sick.

2. Give the other person the right to their words and actions

Giving the other person the right to do or say something leaves them with no place to go and stops conflict before it starts. Do not confuse this with allowing them to treat you in a disrespectful way. When done correctly this is a powerful tool to use in your every day life.

During conflict, the best way to respond is: You have every right to do that/say that; however, it makes me uncomfortable/upset/angry.

If the person tries to continue the attack, repeat the sentiment and add, “I will take this lack of respect until I cannot take it it anymore and then I will leave.”

This makes your position clear, not giving the other person any room to engage further In their crusade to argue while still treating them respectfully. You are in control of your life and can accept or reject behavior and treatment, but do not tolerate it.

3. Use cross talk

In order to have a mutually beneficial conversation dealing with conflict in a rational manner, all parties involved can deepen intimacy and open communication by using cross talk, or complimentary communication. This especially helps when dealing with male and female energies. Complimentary communication allows each party to communicate in a way that relates to the other person and diffuses emotion.

Here’s an example when dealing with a man who is showing signs of displeasure.

Ask: “I sense from the tone of your voice/facial expressions/gestures that you are upset. What can I do to makes us better?”

He responds: “Nothing”

Answer: “OK, when you are think you are ready to discuss it let me know.”

On the flip side, here is an example when dealing with a woman who is showing signs of being upset.

Ask: “II sense from the tone of your voice/ facial expressions/gestures that you are upset. What can I do to make you feel better?”

She responds: “Nothing”

Answer: “Ok, when you feel like you are ready to discuss it let me know.”

Notice the slight difference in addressing men versus women. The reason for this is that generally speaking men are running on their left lobe of the brain which is the thinking and acting side. Women generally run from the right lobe, the feeling and emotional side.

These three tools not only will change the way you respond to others also how they respond to you. They take time and practice, but by implementing this form of communication you will live a happier, calmer life with less stress in your relationships.

Speak rationally. Decide rationally. Disagree rationally.

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Cynthia Baldino is a certified Holistic Health Coach and Founder of Whole Health Guidance. Cynthia trained at the Institute for Integrative Nutrition, which is the only nutrition school integrating all the different dietary theories – combining the knowledge of traditional philosophies with modern concepts like the USDA food pyramid, the glycemic index, the Zone and raw foods.

Each and every time you open the refrigerator or pantry door, you make an important decision that will affect how you feel the rest of the day.

I should know. – I used to visit the vending machine at work every afternoon for a sugary snack, after which I could barely stay awake the rest of the afternoon. This is the typical crash and burn of a sugar rush. Bringing almonds or walnuts for my afternoon snack later became a much better food choice.

Today, I am very proud to be a holistic health coach. I help clients reach their lifestyle and nutrition goals. I believe in bio-individuality, the fact that one diet does not work for everyone (for example, some people have wheat allergies and some do not). However, following are ten ways that everyone can improve their food choices:

1) Makeover Your Refrigerator and Pantry
Read labels and throw out the processed, packaged foods which are full of artificial colors/flavors/sweeteners and/or preservatives. One colleague of mine owns a line of t-shirts that state “Eat Real Food”. What a good mantra!

2) Know When to Buy Organic
Check out the “dirty dozen”–fruits and vegetables which have the most pesticide residue. Buying these organic items are the most critical.

3) Visit Your Local Farmer’s Market
If a food has not traveled a long distance, more nutrients will remain in that food. Frozen fruits and vegetables retain nutrients as well, if they are picked at the right time.

4) Add More Leafy Greens to Your Diet
These foods are missing in many American diets. Green vegetables can even be made into a delicious snack such as kale chips with sea salt.

5) Experiment with Nutrient Rich Foods You Have Never Tasted Before
I ask clients to try one new food per week along with a new recipe. This keeps eating healthy fun and interesting. Before attending nutrition school, I had never heard of whole grains such as quinoa, kasha (buckwheat) and I had never tasted vegetables such as kale or collard greens. Now, they are a regular part of my diet.

6) Keep a Food Journal
A food journal can help you discover unhealthy eating habits. For example, sometimes we snack throughout the day and do not realize how much food we are consuming. Perhaps you are eating mainly from one food group such as carbohydrates. It could also help to write down how you feel after eating each meal or snack (full, tired, bloated). Keeping a food journal even helped me to realize that my baby had a milk intolerance. I needed to eliminate cow’s milk from my diet to stop him from screaming due to his digestive issues.

7) Think Before You Eat
Make sure you are eating because you are truly hungry and not because of other reasons such as being upset, angry or bored. We call this “emotional eating” and in my workshops, many people have admitted to eating high-calorie comfort foods for these reasons.

8) Find a Health Food Store that You Love
The first time I walked into one, I felt like I was home! Shopping in a store that specializes in healthy foods will make your selections much easier.

9) Buy Healthy Snacks in Bulk
This helps ensure that you do not run out and become tempted to visit your local supermarket for cookies or potato chips!

10) Seek Advice & Support
I work with clients in workshops or in three month programs, because it takes a while for changes to become second nature. I had a health coach myself and I found that the support and accountability was so valuable in helping me reach my lifestyle and nutrition goals.

Remember, it’s much easier to make changes in baby steps. As the old saying goes, “Rome wasn’t built in a day”. Be committed to following these tips one by one and soon your refrigerator and pantry will be full of healthy options!

Kristin Neperud Merz, author of Unscribbling: Fulfilling Your Desires Through the Art of Problem Solving is dedicated to empowering the world with the ability to problem solve.

The road to fulfilling your desires starts with knowing HOW to solve problems (or what I like to call “Unscribbling”). In this case, the problem is the unfulfilled desire.

The Problem

Unfortunately, when it comes to problem solving for desires, many people focus too much on one solution and lose sight of their true desires, or even confuse a solution with their true desire.

If you do either of the above you run the risk of getting stuck with only one way to fulfill your desires. This can easily make you frustrated or depressed if that one way doesn’t work or doesn’t turn out the way you want it to.

Then it is time to grab your girlfriends, a big glass of Chardonnay, and start to commiserate over how things never work out the way you want them to…

Ahh, scratch that – HELL NO! You know (or will know) better than that!

Crying in your Clois du Bois is not going to help you fulfill your desires, but knowing proper problem solving will! (And before you know it you will be going out to celebrate with your girls instead of commiserating! But I digress.)

This brings me to a key aspect of effective problem solving…

Are You Solving the Right Problem?

Most people identify what they think they “want” in life and try to problem solve that “want” into existence. However, this can miss the mark.

Our “wants” are typically just one solution to our desires. We need to know and become aware of what you truly desire, and work to problem solve them into existence.

Identify Your Real Desires

Our deeper desires can be found by looking past your “wants” to discover why we desire our wants. Once we have identified the deeper desire behind our want, we can then look for alternative ways to fulfill that deeper desire.

For instance, when my friend, Justine, was trying unsuccessfully to have a child, she “wanted” to have a child. Sensing her frustration, we sought out her deeper desire. We looked at:

• WHY did she want to have a child?
• What feelings or experiences she was hoping to fulfill from having a child?

We determined that she actually desired to “feel and express love towards another.”

Find Out to Fulfill Your Desires

Once we identified this deeper desire, “feeling and expressing love” became her new intention. “Having a child of her own” became just one possible solution to fulfilling her desire. This freed Justine to explore new ways to live the life of her dreams.

We identified many other ways she could feel and express love. Some solutions being:
• adopting.
• becoming a foster mother.
• volunteering at the hospital or nursing home.
• being more present and open with her husband.
• or just having sex with her husband for fun! (Sex can be a great way to feel and express love)
• getting a dog.
• visiting her grandparents.
• fundraising for a local park to be built.
• painting.
• mentoring someone at work.
• the possibilities are endless…

In Summary

We needed to get her to find her deeper desire to see that there were endless ways to fulfill it. To see that if she was unable to have a child of her own, that there were still ways for her to be able to fulfill her dreams and desires.

Had she been stuck on the one solution to “have a child of her own” and confused that with her true desire, the news that she would be unable to conceive a child would have been completely devastating. However, since she knew her deeper desire “to feel and express love” she was better equip to accept the situation as it was and find another solution that could fulfill her deeper desire. She was better equipt to transform her life, and to pick herself up and move towards fulfilling her desires.

When you are looking for ways to live with your desires fulfilled, be sure to identify your deeper desire first. Once you indentify that deeper desire, the possibilities will be endless to fulfill that desire. When one solution does not work, you will be able to pick yourself up and pursue another way. Nothing will stop you from fulfilling your desires! Now how does life get better than that?

Happy Unscribbling!

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Irina Baranov is a Life Coach and Director of Communications at Council for Relationships, the nation’s oldest and largest relationship counseling agency. She earned her BA in Psychology from the University of Pennsylvania and received her Life Coach training at the world-renowned Coach Training Institute.
Irina lives just outside of Philadelphia, PA with her amazing husband of 17 years, and her pinch-me-I’m-so-lucky-they’re-mine children.

We’ve all been there. Moving along in our busy lives. We work, play and love like the adult women that we are, and then bam–one conversation with our mothers or fathers takes us right back to age 12.

We hang up the phone and shake our heads. “What was that? Why does she/he push my buttons like that?”

As a life coach, I have an unusual answer: Who knows, and who cares? I know, I know … not very therapeutic. But that’s why I’m not a therapist. Personally, I’m not interested in figuring out the “why.” That’s the domain of other qualified professionals. I’m interested in figuring out the “how” and “what” and “who.”

How do you want to handle your interactions with Mom or Dad in the future?

What do you need to learn, know, get, give, experience or accept to make that happen?

Who do you want to be as an adult daughter?

Simple questions. But simple doesn’t equal easy. This is tough stuff. Relationships are complicated, and layered with history, complex emotions, assumptions, wants and needs. But at the end of the day, we all want the same thing – we want to be less reactive and more intentional about our interactions. We want our words and actions to actually reflect the wishes in our hearts. So here are a few tips to help…

Aim for friendship. Now that you’re an adult, you don’t really need to be parented. You might need your parents to be your avid cheerleaders, your gentle critics, your confidants, your sounding boards or just a soft place to land from time to time when life gets hard. Sounds an awful lot like friendship, doesn’t it? So cultivate that. Learn more about them as people, not just parents. Let them get to know you on a different level than just their child. Try to discover the friend in each other.

Learn their story. There’s a saying that goes something like “if you knew.. really knew.. someone’s life story, everything about them would make perfect sense.” Yes, we’re baffled by some of our parents’ quirks. But try to put your annoyance aside for an afternoon or an evening and spend some one-on-one time to learn about their history. Ask about their childhood, adolescence and early adulthood. Find out the story of who they were before you were born. You might be surprised at how much understanding and compassion you’ll have as a result of that conversation.

Work on your own reactivity. There’s a huge difference between responding and reacting. Reaction typically sounds like this: “I can’t believe you’re talking to me like this! I can’t take it anymore!”, while a response might sound like this: “OK, I hear you. It sounds like you’re worried about me. Would you care to say more?” Not easy. But doable. We can absolutely cultivate a more responsive vs. reactive approach. It takes intention and practice (and forgiveness when you just can’t do it).

Figure out who you want to be in this relationship. This is a big question. I recommend working through it with either a trusted friend, therapist or life coach. Journaling also helps. The goal is to arrive at a place that feels authentic and alive, and leaves you feeling energized and proud of the image of yourself as the adult daughter you want to be.

In working with clients who hike up this particular mountain, as well as being an adult daughter myself, I know how challenging the climb can be. Sometimes you have to stop, catch your breath and drink some water. I wish you good luck, good self-care, good learnings, good intentions and good results on your journey. You have the power to change things.. you really do.

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Here’s the good news and the bad news: the only way to find Mr. Right is by being Mrs. Right. You have to be boldly willing to check your own stats – do you have the body you want, a job you love, and a life you are proud of? Because truth is, when it comes to finding your one, you are not getting out of your own league.

Marnie Nir is a Senior Coach at the Handel Group, and is a writer with a blog. As with every area of her life, Marnie’s coaching is characterized by joyful honesty and courageous commitment.

Having been married for more than 15 years, Marnie particularly enjoys working with wives, mothers and singles, because she is well-acquainted with the challenges they face.

1. We attract people equal to who we are. For some that is rocking news, for others, it points to areas where you need to improve yourself. It’s more interesting news than pointing at your favorite excuses of why THEY are the problem, why this isn’t easy or how all the good ones are taken.

2. Do the math. Examine your “type” and your past relationships. If you keep repeating the same pattern over and over again, i.e., date non-committal types, cheaters, liars, ones that badmouthed their exes, and you want to stop dating those types, you will need to really deal with what you ACTUALLY like about those types. If you are drawn to cheaters, you may have to deal with the real fact that it’s in your family lineage and unbeknownst to you, maybe, you are still trying to right a wrong in your family. Save a dad or mom. Paint a villain a hero, a victim a saint. The only way to change a pattern is to boldly see it first.

3. You have to accept that you are in charge of your romantic life. Why are YOU hoping to get “hired” as opposed to doing the hiring, to firing anyone different than what you want? You are not going to get sued; fire them. Quickly. Be picky. It’s a great freaking position for which you are hiring – your ONE. Stop trying to keep him or her. Stop trying to squeeze them into a box they don’t fit. Stop working so hard to keep him and see if you even want him.

4. Stop trying to prove there is some sort of drought when it comes to finding your one. It is just an excuse and safe and convenient of YOU to think so. Thinking there is some sort of shortage when it comes to the love of your life, actually, conveniently, allows you to continue dating “not its.” It’s a bit like declaring dieting “hard” while walking into Krispy Crème. A convenient theory when hungry, no? Why not collect evidence starting today that dating is easy, magical and believe he is coming soon.

5. You know if he is The One, by the very nature of him acting like “The One.” The One calls you back. The One doesn’t need convincing you are great. If you’re not being yourself around The One, he ain’t The One. You can’t blow it with The One. If it blows up, leaves, says you are not his One – The One wasn’t your One. If he is the ONE, he talks through anything. Get yourself to believe this and see it as a duh, you can ease up on yourself; stop contorting to be someone you are not. Learn what you were supposed to from all of your not-Ones and move on, proudly.

6. Stop lying. Gasp. I know, not you. What if lying is thinking things and not saying them. Are you wondering if the date was as fun as you thought, ask. If you are looking for love and not telling the person you are dating, and just hoping…you are setting him up. Stop being such a chicken, especially, if you yourself are looking for a brave honest man, get brave and honest yourself. If you want love and are searching for the one, stop pretending you are laid back, one of the guys, a buddy, don’t care, low maintenance. If you lie and have your imaginary publicist date for you instead of the real you, you will only date fellow liars. If you want to find your soul mate, stop pretending you are looking for a drinking buddy. Stop feigning nonchalance and hoping he calls, testing him, hoping he passes when really you know the answers to the pop quiz. Don’t test the guy. Tell him the answers; your true One will want to pass.

7. Keep your tongue to yourself. Don’t even kiss him unless you think he is a real possible dream “one.” Get THAT honest, THAT serious about what you want. Don’t have sex with him until the two of you have declared yourselves going for IT and monogamous. You will be left proud of yourself for telling the universe and your date, that you are done excusing, lying and selling out. Get that bold. Yes, it’s so much easier to screw them, cry about getting screwed if left than being brave about your dream and holding yourself and intimacy as sacred.

8. If you step over red flags and play victim, you are in the wrong sport. You have donut crumbs on your face pretending you have been good on your diet. Open your mouth (tongue still to yourself!) and ask for what you want and don’t waiver. Put in dating rules. Ask all. Tell all. If you want an honest mate, honest up yourself. It’s only when you are being 100% honest can you smell someone who isn’t.

9. Make dating promises to yourself — promise to go out at least once a week and talk/flirt with someone who seems available. Make sure you tell your friends this promise and have them help you. Then move on to a dating promise – promise to go on two dates a month.

10. Once you’re back in the game, do your homework in the first three dates to see if it’s really a match. Find out significant beliefs about compatibility on big things in life, and be honest. Better to blow it up earlier with the truth than to fall in love and really care, when you were never a good match to begin with.

Rea Frey has been a certified personal trainer and a nutrition specialist for the past 11 years. She is a regular guest on WGN radio.

She writes on food for Martha Stewart’s website, Whole Living; her own blog Clean Convenient Cuisine on the Chicago Tribune; Cheeky Chicago (where she also writes a weekly column on relationships) and YumUniverse. She was recently voted best local nonfiction writer by the Chicago Reader.

Her book, The Cheat Sheet: A Clue-by-Clue Guide to Finding Out If He’s Unfaithful (Adams Media) was released in June.

www.reafrey.com

Fact: We all want that “quick fix” to get healthy. We want big results in the shortest amount of time with the least amount of effort. The reality? There is no magic pill to getting healthy. Regardless of everything you’ve read, getting healthy can hinge upon one simple rule: Pay attention to how you feel after you eat.

No two bodies are the same, so how can we expect to find one way of eating that works for everyone? Our bodies are incredibly smart. If we listen, they can tell us what we should and shouldn’t be eating. Have you ever noticed after you eat certain foods, you become extremely lethargic? Often times, if we are eating highly processed foods, our bodies work hard to digest them, leaving us little energy for normal activity. And no amount of mid-afternoon coffee can keep that energy spiked.

In our society, health is usually defined exclusively by what you look like on the outside.

Think about our ancestors. They did not belong to gyms. They didn’t sit in offices. They never ate something out of a bag. They never stepped on a scale. They lived active lives, and that’s what we’re built for. The more we sit around, the less motivated we get. It’s not about staying on a program or sticking to a diet regimen or workout plan. It’s about living a healthy, sustainable life.

The keys to your health aren’t in any diet book. They lie within you. You possess the only tools you’ll ever need: your body and your brain. An awareness of your likes, your dislikes, your goals, and your intentions. A level of attention to what goes into your body, and how you feel after.

So much about being healthy goes beyond the physical. Look at all aspects of your life. Are you happy in your relationship? Do you feel drained when you hang out with certain friends? Are you miserable in your job? Are you stressed about money? Tend to your needs—because you can eat all the plants in the world and hit the gym seven days per week and still not get to your goals if you are unhealthy in other areas of your life.

Look at getting healthy as a progressive, daily challenge. What can I do today? How can I be positive today? How can I eat slightly better today? How do I truly feel? Start paying attention and really listen to the answers. Being healthy is in the doing, not in the thinking about.

But to get there, you have to pay attention to your likes and dislikes. Hate to cook? Find recipes that are easy. Make big salads. Have a grocery list (or enlist the help of a personal shopper). Most important? Know what you’re not willing to do. If you hate going to the grocery store, then perhaps you need a delivery service. If you don’t like to cut veggies, buy them pre-cut. If you constantly crave sweets, find easy, healthy alternatives that are satisfying.

And my biggest piece of advice? Take it a single day at a time. Make a goal today. Get through it. Get up and make a new set of goals tomorrow. Health happens over the long-term. Be patient. There’s no quick fix. You have to eat every day for the rest of your life. It’s important to have a positive relationship with food.

So today, follow one rule: pay attention to how you feel. Are you energized after you eat? Are you tired? Do you get a stomachache? Are you bloated? How do you really feel directly after? Twenty minutes after? Two hours after? Track this for a day or two to notice any consistent patterns.

The bottom line is we need to start thinking in terms of eating for energy. It’s not about low-fat, fat-free, low-carb or low-calorie. It’s about eating foods that make you feel good. If a piece of cake makes you feel fantastic, then go for it. But, if you really pay attention to how you feel, you will start to get the messages your body is sending you. Use your body as a laboratory. It’s the best one you’ll ever have.

A healthier you is waiting.

Julie Melillo is a Manhattan Life Coach who works with CEOs, entrepreneurs, financial traders, models, actors and other professionals to reach their goals faster in the city.
She is a member of The International Coach Federation, is a Certified Life Coach from an accredited school, and has a BA in Communications. She moved to Manhattan in 2007 from Arizona .

You’ve heard the conventional wisdom that love shows up when you least expect it; but waiting for Mr Right to materialise out of thin air is tiring — and somewhat unrealistic.

If you’re ready to snag the man of your dreams, there are four powerful things you can do to make it happen faster, while making yourself happier in the meantime.

1) Identify Your your Ideal Man

Create a clear vision of what you’re looking for in a relationship. What kind of relationship do you want and why? What will the relationship add to your life? See this clearly, like it’s a movie playing in your mind. You are essentially programming your mind to seek out the right kinds of men for you.

You want to spend some time seriously contemplating what makes a man the right one for you.

Personality: is he outgoing or quiet? A serious person or lighthearted? Who is the “peacock” (who loves attention) in the relationship and who is the behind-the-scenes person? How kind is he? How intelligent? How does he spend his time? Is he a giving person or a selfish person?

Values: What does this man want out of his life? Is working long hours his passion? Is he a family man with plenty of time for you? Is he political or religious? Is he close with his family? Does his family treat one-another with respect?

Attraction: How important is a conventionally-attractive man, versus a man who you find hot? How intellectually interesting does this person need to be?

Compatibility: What does a typical day in your ideal relationship look like? Is he messy or neat? Spontaneous or very planned out? How does he show you he loves you? (Gifts, words, time together, cuddling, etc.) Does he want kids? How much time do you want alone? Do you want an affectionate man who loves physical contact, or someone who is hands-off?

Deal Breakers: What are the deal-breakers for you? What can’t you stand? What are your ‘musts’?

There are no wrong answers, but its vital to know your honest answers to these questions.

2) Work on Yourself. A Great Man is the Icing on the Cake — You Are the Cake!

The more you create a life you are happy with, the easier it is to attract the right person for you. You should feel like your life is fulfilling, interesting and fun. At that point, the right man is the icing on the cake!

Focus on adding layers to your “cake” by finding new activities you enjoy, making friends, exercising, taking care of yourself, and find out what makes your life meaningful for you — doing these activities adds another “layer” to your cake.

Having more layers on your cake means you are less needy for a man to come rescue you, and this allows you to be picky. It also makes it easier to endure the ups and downs of dating, which happen to everyone.

3) Visualise Your Ideal Man

Picturing anything in your mind makes it easier to attain, because it gives your mind a blueprint of what you want. For example, picture eating chocolate cake. Did your mouth water? Picture chocolate cake enough and it’ll be near impossible to avoid walking into a bakery! The next thing you know, you’re scoffing down chocolate without even knowing what happened! The same is true with attaining the relationship you want. When you picture the right relationship often — let’s say you imagine you and your love holding hands at the park — you might be surprised how quickly happen this vision becomes reality! Picturing the specific type of man you want, means you’ll also avoid drawing yourself to the wrong type.

Think about what your ideal man is like. Where would he be right now? At a nice restaurant eating dinner? At a ball game? Walking his dog in the park? At work? At home? Seeing the details of this man will help connect you closer to the end result of creating a relationship with him — it will get you in the right mindset to attract him.

Make a list of the places your ideal man would hang out — try to wrap your mind around what this man is all about and how he spends his time.

Then consider taking action and spending some time in the places you’ve listed. Maybe the dog park isn’t where you usually hang out (if you’re a cat person), but if you feel your ideal man would probably have a dog, then grab an iced coffee and spend an afternoon hanging out at the park, smiling at the dogs running by. You never know who you might run into! And if nothing else, you’ll find new fun ways to expand your horizons and try new things.

4) Always Look and Feel Your Best

Find a simple and fast routine that highlights your best features — maybe you have amazing eyes? Try a flattering eye shadow to bring them out, and never skimp on mascara, which gives an instant-attractiveness-boost for everyone. Eye make-up, when properly applied, is extremely attractive to men. Amazing hair? Get a new stylish hair cut, and make sure to use products that make your hair gleam. Remember that men universally prefer long hair, so let those locks grow! Save that cute chopped-off style for after you’re official with the next guy.

Most women wear either the wrong shades of make-up, or they don’t wear enough make-up — getting a make-over at a cosmetics store can work wonders. Finding simple ways to look and feel great every day will make you stand taller and feel better about yourself.

You don’t have to spend all day getting ready, but make sure you are feeling great about yourself every time you step outside. Whether you’re going to work or grabbing milk at the grocery store, make sure you look polished. It will boost your self esteem to know you look nice, and you’ll often meet the love of your life when you least expect it. Make sure you’re not wearing your ripped sweat pants with zit cream on your face next time you run out to the store. Those moments can backfire when the hottest guy you’ve seen in a year walks by in the frozen foods section. Create a few cute looks you can throw on at a moments notice — take a cue from celebrities: they run out to the store in figure-flattering sweats in cute colors, big sunglasses, or other casual looks they “throw on” but that fit them perfectly. Make sure all of your clothing skims your figure perfectly.

5) Make Peace With the Past

Often, we don’t even realize that past events are affecting us today. An ex who broke your heart in high school might still be occupying your thoughts and feelings. To move on, you need to let go with an Emotional Cleanse.

First, ask yourself which men from the past are still on your mind. Who do you feel a lack of closure with? Which ex’s broke your heart? Then feel all of the emotions that bubble up, and simply let these emotions exist. Ask the emotions, “What message do you have for me?” You’ll get an answer if you’re quiet and listen to yourself. You might have unfinished business, such as thinking “Matt and I could still be together someday,” or “He still owes me for breaking my heart.”

Let go of this unfinished business by writing a long letter to this person — but don’t send the letter! The point is to cleanse out the emotions that are holding you back from finding new love. Picture yourself talking to this person as you write the letter. What do you need to tell them? What needs to be said to move on?

TO SUM IT UP

While you can’t control the exact time when you’ll meet your your ideal man, taking action will put you in a more positive frame of mind, and it will help speed up the process.

Discovering exactly who your future partner is, and where he hangs out, helps you find him. You’ll increase your odds of meeting “the one” every time you leave the house — and it doesn’t hurt to feel your best at all times by polishing your look, and highlighting your best features, before stepping outside.

Wearing a gorgeous, authentic smile from the inner-work you’ve done to improve yourself will attract the right attention from high-quality men. Happiness turns heads. Always make peace with your past, before creating a bright new future. Try out these tips, and you will be trying out a new relationship — with your ideal man — before you know it!

Traveling light has some big advantages: no lugging heavy suit cases, no waiting at the baggage collection since you took your baggage as hand luggage and no guilt about not wearing half the stuff you packed.

1) Pick Your Travel Locations Strategically

Chose to travel to hot countries, or to countries in the height of their summer – this way you need far fewer clothes and the clothes that you do wear will be lighter and therefore faster drying

2) Only Pack Clothes that Can Be Hand-Washed

Be prepared to hand wash all of your clothes. You can use regular soap for this. Not all countries have readily available launderettes (some places only do service washes which require a day’s wait which isn’t always possible).

3) Consider Fabric Types and Drying Times

Silk and light polyester can be hand washed with regular soap and will both dry within four hours. Avoid jeans (or take one pair but wear and wash them rarely – ie: in overly air-conditioned airports) and heavy cotton or wollen fabrics. Synthetic fibers are usually faster drying.

4) Three Day’s Worth of Clothes Should Last You Three Months

You only need one pair of shorts, two tops, a light dress and a bikini. Take three pairs of underwear. Wash the clothes you wore that day each night. Remember, this list includes the clothes that you’re wearing when you leave. Small black umbrellas also come in pretty handy for shade and for downpours.

5) Don’t Carry Your Shoes, Wear Them

You only need one pair of black flip flops or sandals that are comfortable to walk in. This way you don’t need any socks and you certainly shouldn’t be filling half your bag up with walking boots, heels, riding boots and every other type of shoes that you think you could possibly need. You can do anything in black flip-flops.

6) Buy and Use a Small 20-25 Liter Bag

Make a rule that you will only carry what you can fit in that bag and that bag alone. Anything extra gets given away or thrown out. For comfort reasons it should be a padded backpack preferably with some airflow for your back.

7) Buy Liquids Upon Arrival

Believe it or not, they sell toothpaste and shampoo in every country. Avoid hassle at the airport by buying liquids when you land.

8) Bring a Big Scarf

Big scarfs are extremely useful. You can wear it as a sarong on the beach, a headscarf for visiting religious buildings, a blanket when the air-con on the plane is too cold, a shawl for when the temperature drops in the evening, a makeshift blind to block the sun or even a long skirt if you feel like you need more coverage at any time.

9) Bring or Buy a Big Roll of Tooth Floss

This can be used as a washing line if there’s nowhere else to hang your clothes. It comes in useful for all sorts of things – as well as flossing your teeth!

10) Get Your Makeup Down to the Bare Basics

Lip balm, mascara, concealer and blush are all most women need to look ‘made-up’ even when going out. The rest is just extra weight, and is also likely to be confiscated at airports.

 
Remember: This is not the most luxurious way to travel, but it is the most freeing and the least stressful.

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Photo: Zachris, Flickr